


Paint It Black

by kinkyacewonho



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Changkyun's painted nails, Drabble, Gen, Im Changkyun | I.M-centric, implied gender nonconforming, some slight implied internalized homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-26 14:54:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17747990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinkyacewonho/pseuds/kinkyacewonho
Summary: Changkyun stares down at his hands splayed across the table, at his nails—short, with ragged edges from picking and biting, nasty habits he failed to quit over the years. But the black polish painted over his nails disguises that. He hasn’t been able to stop looking at his own hands in the nearly two weeks he’s had them painted, marveling at the way it makes his stubby fingers look longer... prettier.





	Paint It Black

Changkyun stares down at his hands splayed across the table, at his nails—short, with ragged edges from picking and biting, nasty habits he failed to quit over the years. But the black polish painted over his nails disguises that. He hasn’t been able to stop looking at his own hands in the nearly two weeks he’s had them painted, marveling at the way it makes his stubby fingers look longer... prettier. 

The stylist dips a cotton ball in acetone and swipes it over his thumbnail, eating away the color, and Changkyun feels a part of himself being wiped away with it. 

They’re shooting a cosmetics CF, which means they have to play by the advertiser’s rules, not just Starship’s. His painted nails may have been fine for concert performances and press appearances in front of their dedicated fanbase, but a boy with painted nails is apparently still too much for the folks at TonyMoly. Which doesn’t make sense to Changkyun, considering they’re hiring his boy band to be their new lip tint models. 

These are the kind of mixed messages he encounters a lot in Korea, the kind that lead him to act out snapping his members’ necks when he’s picked to do the killing part in “From Zero,” instead of cupping their faces tenderly like he's supposed to. He never knows what’s okay and what isn’t. 

 

Minhyuk finds him after the shoot, when they’re back at the dorm and all Changkyun wants to do is take a shower so hot it scalds his skin, and then lie in the dark, alone with his thoughts. 

Minhyuk climbs into Changkyun’s bed, whale plushie in tow, even though his own bed is just a few steps away on the other side of the room, and there’s really not enough space on Changkyun’s bed for both of them and Minhyuk’s giant stuffed animal. 

He doesn’t speak right away, offering Changkyun the chance, he assumes, to kick him out. But Changkyun doesn’t, and then Minhyuk says, “Sometimes I don’t want to take my makeup off after schedules.” 

That’s random, and obvious, Changkyun thinks. Their schedules are so packed sometimes they only have two hours to sleep before they have to get up and do it all over again, and none of them except maybe Kihyun really wants to waste that precious time on a skincare routine. 

“And not because I’m lazy,” Minhyuk clarifies, as if he can read Changkyun’s thoughts. Hell, the older boy is so often in tune with what the other members are thinking or feeling, Changkyun wouldn’t even be surprised if he could read minds. “It makes me feel pretty. And sometimes I want to feel pretty.” 

“Why are you telling me this?” Changkyun asks. 

There’s something reassuring in the way Minhyuk smiles that makes Changkyun want to believe what he says. “Because it’s okay if you want to feel pretty too.” 

 

A few months later, the members of Monsta X have a meeting with Starship staff and their stylists, to plan ideas for the next comeback. Changkyun stays quiet for most of it—he pierced his eyebrow recently, in a brief burst of rebellion. They let him keep it, but he doesn’t want to find out what the consequence will be if he rocks the boat too much. 

They decide Changkyun’s going to bleach his hair, because he’s the only member of the group who hasn’t yet. He bleached it once, when he was a trainee at another company, and the poor results still haunt him to this day. 

“I’ll do it on one condition,” he starts, glancing at Minhyuk for encouragement. He gives him a little nod, and that same reassuring smile, and this time, Changkyun does believe it. “Can I paint my nails black again?”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Come find me on twitter @kinkyacewonho


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